Jenso


The Rules of Engagement + Mandatory Ring Shot!


 The proposal: Most people dream of the moment they will be bombarded by flash mob singing Lionel Richie or their boyfriend will trot up to them on a white horse with a rose in his teeth. But no one actually knows what to do when it happens. Let me warn you, nothing prepares you for this moment. If he is the one your heart will most likely momentarily stop. As a rule of thumb your eyes will generally fill with liquid.  This must have been stolen from your mouth, which becomes drier than the Sahara in summer. The desired response: Should be yes (if these reactions have occurred) it may feel as though you are part way to a heart attack but do your best to at least nod your head. This was my response. The following questions then ensued over the incoming weeks. I feel it my duty to share my findings. 

How to deal with a ring in your life: 


1.     Do you put the ring on instantly – yes. This is the accepted method of showing gratitude and delight. Pop that sparkler on your finger. It will feel odd but roll with the punches.


2.     Should I drink to celebrate? I did, okay it was alcohol free champagne! I would say one or two can’t hurt but don’t get slaughtered. You will never get to experience a night like this again (hopefully). Bask in the glory.


3.     Do I wear my ring in the gym? The consensus is no. It will scratch and wear away quicker if you do this.


4.     How do I prevent the all-consuming fear of losing it? A  necklace  This solution was provided by my sisters who gifted me this little beauty Now ANY time I take the ring off it goes on here. No losing.


5.     How do I share the ring photo? Since the invention of the Facebook everyone and their pet poodle want to see the ring. It would be rude not to. I advise a pic that defines you, none of this, my nails just happen to be manicured business. Mine…a protein shaker!


 


P.s if you have a few minutes and are feeling inquisitive this is how the proposal happened 3 months ago I was approached by an actor friend and asked to help him out in a short dramatization. I would be doing him a favour. Of course I obliged and said yes. Reading through the script I couldn’t believe how much it related to me, this character loved coffee, crosswords and had a fascination with 11:11. I was happily unaware that this script had in fact been written by my boyfriend specifically for me as an elaborate ruse to pop the question.  The next three months involved a series of rehearsals. During which I did get rather enthused by the prospect of my star on Hollywood Boulevard! Unfortunately the man I was to star opposite pulled out and my actor pal asked if Tony (boyfriend) would ever think about doing it? Stick with me it gets good here; After much pep talking I eventually convinced Tony that he would be perfect for it and he could definitely step up to the mark. 2 weeks out from the final dramatization we had a filmed dressed rehearsal with a few friends to get us used to the audience. At the end of the play I had to close my eyes and make a wish because the time was 11:11 of course I did so as per the script and waiting for Tony (character Jeff) to scribble his number down and slide off. I couldn’t here him leave so figured he may have forgotten and I would have to cover for his mistake. When I prised my eyes open there he was on one knee. The most nervous, wide eyed human I have ever seen asking me to spend forever with him! I had an Avatar moment “I saw him” every inch of him inside and out. I will keep this moment in my memory til the end of time. As I stood up to hug him, he presented me with my next surprise…he had flown my sisters from Ireland to Australia to be with us and have this experience. Cue heart attack number 2 Don't forget to keep wishing, you never know what might happen. Jenso x



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 not get fat in an office (personal experience)...




Dolly Parton’s been calling my name this week. For the first time ever* I am officially workin’ 9-5 trying hard to make a livin’. Sadly though i don’t have size triple G boobs, maybe that comes as an eventual perk ^^. In the few weeks within the rat race I have gained several notable insights. Much like the David Attenborough of the concrete jungle I have stepped into the natural environment of the endangered species of homo-sapien trainerandsuit-ien ...


1.FOOD

The phrase ‘pickers wear big knickers’ springs to mind.  I’m not sure if it is just me but I seem to have adopted the gaze and graze approach. I’m quite a hungry beast naturally but there’s something about sitting at a desk, battering the keyboard all day that makes my hand wonder to whatever food I have brought with me. Not to mention the mandatory swooping glance towards the Tim Tams (for the non aussies these are Penguins) happily positioned on my desk I have gained a new found respect for anyone who manages to remain stream lined when office based. I have developed a few coping strategies. 

-chicken sausages; inspired by my lady boss’ lust for the poultry pleasures…handy snack, no cutlery required and a perfect combo of protein and fats
-almond millk/kefir shakes; a world of possibilities in a handy liquid form, mid chew phone answering need not be an issue plus you can be adventurous with banoffee flavour, salted caramel, raspberry and coconut…ENDLESS
-Tea, tea and more tea. I have become my mother in this short space of time. Perhaps this has something to do with working alongside a fellow irishman and our national sport of sipping. Although I have edged towards the herbal side of life, just to keep the caffeine consumption lower. Caffeine=stress=aging (both internally and on the money maker)

2. FUNNIES

My email has never been infiltrated by the hilarious website, meme or video that surges around the office quicker than my boss consumes a chicken sausage! This is a whole new concept, and a beautiful one at that…reason enough to set the alarm in the morning, in fact it should be included in job ads. Flexible working hours, generous package, high levels of office banter. 

This is an example of the feast my eyes were treated to…if you have 30 seconds and want a giggle click click click away




3. FITNESS

Food has been covered, enter it’s best friend, fitness. Two things

One: I have  a new found respect for any pre work morning gym goers. If that’s you take a  moment and revel in your brilliance.   This is no mean feat. 
Two: Desk sitting, furious computer pounding and eye squinting is not good for your body.  In the pursuit of eternal life I have found these tips to help me and anyone else who is on their arse all day. 




*For those who were concerned…Don’t worry I haven’t spent my entire 26 (and 11/12th) years sitting on the couch scratching myself I have been gainfully employed since the tender age of 15. In fact, the entrepreneurial spirit kicked in before then when my sister and i attempted to sell home made perfume at the age of 8. It was a secret highly intricate family recipe, never before shared, until this moment so get your pen and paper ready…

  • 1 bunch of flowers from the garden
  • 1 old tin saucepan
  • water
  • A ‘bashing’ device, a rolling pin would suffice


If only we could add scratch and sniff to this blog!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


without the calories...YESSSSS?! 


Nothing smells nicer than a whiff of bacon sizzling on the stove. I'm virtually drooling at the prospect of it now. The thought of a crispy rasher nestled happily in a white floury bap slathered in HP brown sauce is probably the closest to edible heaven I can imagine.  

Could You Ever Say No Forever?


Bacon has always been a sticking point for me when contemplating whether or not I could go the whole hog (pun intended!). This is not to say that I consume the crispy slice of heaven but it just tastes so darn good...with everything! Case in point proven by my sister Emmalade AKA ChocolatemuffinNI who recently concocted the Paleo Chocolate and bacon cookie 


So I think we have agreed that of all meats this would be the hardest to give up, how often do you open up a tupperware of chicken and relish the odour? 

The latest reason for pondering giving up the animal forever, I have been invited to a picnic. A delightful 30th birthday picnic at that and the hostess with the mostess is a veggie. A meat free picnic? No ham sambos or chicken drummers? What will I bring? I'd like it to be healthy, healthy and veggie, i've never done that before ... can you touch the frantic panic in my brain?! 

With my head resembling Primark on a Saturday afternoon at Christmas (for any non UK readers this is what it looks like) shit everywhere!





I needed to formulate a plan. Part one: Pinterest. Part two: My new favourite website www.thehealthychef.com. After several pages of scrolling I decided upon my vegetarian friendly menu. 

Hazelnut and Orange and Scones (dessert first!) (a jenso version from a combo of this and this recipe)

Hmm I feel as though this vegetarian thing may not be as potentially frightening as initially anticipated. The peculiar thing is since moving to Melbourne the notion of meat-free ness has been somewhat more prevalent. 

My partner Tony recently attended a nutrition seminar.  This covered a vast array of subject matters but one topic touched on was the idea of giving the body a break from meat. 

The analogy he uses to explain it is, 

'the body is a factory, if it is constantly working 365 days a year the workers are going to get fed up, tired and demotivated. If you give them a day off even a few they will work more efficiently.'

This idea, the veggie picnic frenzy and  a virtual seminar I watched has certainly set my cogs into motion. The idea of eternal separation from sausages, burgers and turkey dinner is too much for me to handle right now. However looking into my food future ball I see occasional several day bouts of meat free madness. Never know it might even make me smarterer. 


Albert Eistein was a firmly dedicated veggist perhaps he had a point, 

' It is my view that the vegetarian manner of living, by its purely physical effect on the human temperament, would most beneficially influence the lot of mankind.'



Peas and love

Jenso x





28/2/14

Swear this is relevant!!
ENJOY!

Bored of Date Night? 

Marky Mark Has the Answer Just look hard enough & you'll see!

Tina Fey and Steve Carell expressed it greatly in the movie, ‘Date Night' (ignore the rating JMDB gives it 10)’.  If you haven’t seen it, watch it, just as soon as you finish reading this! It’s amazing. Hilarious from start to finish and for the pervyn Mervyns out there Mark Wahlberg gets his man tits out, many, many times.  

Movie aside, since my recent relocation to Austraya mayte (phonetic spelling) I have rediscovered the concept championed by these two wonderfully entertaining actors. 

When my boyfriend Tony and I decided to squeeze our lives into a suitcase and leave N.I we had two reasons. Self development and a ‘better work life balance’. Can you tell we’d watched too many episodes of ‘At Home or Abroad’.

 For those Neighbours and Home and Away addicts out there -of which I am unashamedly one- yes what you see on t.v is actually quite real. These guys know how to relax. Barbecues in the park yes sir. Christmas holidays that stretch beyond Boxing Day hell yeah. And yes the classic day at the beach is an all time fave.   

However given that young Tony O’Neill and I both came from just about the two busiest types of jobs out there; Journalist and Personal Trainer we were used to squeezing every last sub-milli-micro-second out of the day. Multi tasking was common place which phone calls being taken on the bog (toilet) and food being prepped in between emails. 


We were attached to our phones, laptops, toothbrushes and anything else electronic we could get our hands on simultaneously. When the weekend rolled around and ‘date night’ struck it was like a soggy firework. Both of us were shattered.  It is fair to say that the transition to this was about as smooth as my legs (that’s notoriously bumpy for anyone not acquainted with my pins). 

Finally we have managed to get it right. It only took 8 months! However a brilliant consequence of that is I now have a few awesome little date night ideas for anyone out there that struggles to find a fun way to spend time with the love of their life, besides staring longingly into each others eyes or kissing for 2 hours straight (ahh the joy of being 16). 

DATE NIGHT

-a couple that practices gymnastics together stays together. Apparently.  We took a handstand class at our gym Chapel Fitness with an ex Olympian. There is nothing hotter than watching your boyfriends face turn purple as he attempt to stand up, upside down. Swear. 

-bake or make together, who ever normally play chef takes on the role of sous chef and vice verca. There is something refreshing about letting the other person take charge. Plus the result of it - a delicious meal …hopefully. 

-caving. Apparently this is an activity that can be enjoyed globally. I was first pointed toward it by magic hands photographer Jim Crone who caves in Malta. It seems it took 43degree heat in Melbourne to drive me toward one but still it was well worth it. If you want to know what caving is have a gander at this wee beauty.

-Leave everything else bar 20 poun/d/ollars and one phone (we live in 2014 sometimes its needed to google map or solve an argument) and go into the city. People watching is a fantastic sport and I am petitioning to get it included in the next Olympics. Of course to be enjoyed over a fine coffee in an establishment you haven’t tried before!  

Spending proper one on one time with the person that makes your mouth curl up at the edges and your heart beat like you’ve just drunk a quadruple shot espresso is round about the most rewarding and enjoyable thing you can do. So no more dinner date with iPhone in the left hand fork in the right. Enjoy, and if all else fails re-visit your childhood and play spin the bottle. 
Thanks. 

Peace and love and happy dating. 

Jenso
xx



p.s any babies made on these dates must be names Jenso, Tony, Dearest or Diary. Thanks


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20/02/2014 


Breathe a sigh of relief. 

Thank heavens. Time to take that enormous weight off your shoulder.
Bradley from SClub 7 is still trundling along the path of musical stardom.  Since the devastating break up of our favourite ‘all in white’ the man in question has been busy writing and producing songs for Sugababe Mutya Buena and JLS. 

And relax. 

You may wonder where that little past blast came from? I’m not entirely sure myself but he entered my head but hopefully it’s got you singing ‘Reach for the starrrrsss’ as you read this. If so at least a little happiness has been spread around the digital world. If your juices are really flowing refresh you memory with 


Setting one foot in memory lane ignited the retro fires of my soul and got me thinking about that time when marrying Bradley from SClub7 was top of my priority list. 


1. Marry Bradley from SClub 7
2. Drive a BMW
3. Become a millionaire
4. Be able to touch my toes
5. Swim with dolphins


There was an obsession with the ‘most intelligent mammals’ that coincided with the lust to swim with those bottle nosed babies. I also wanted a matching dolphin tattoo and had posters, very similar to this one on my wall. Weird.






BEYONCE O'NEILL
Needless to say none of the above happened. Though my boyfriend Tony did make an attempt at dressing like a black lady, sadly this fairly politically incorrect moment  is the closest I came to realising those hopes. 
I made a priority this year. I set myself a target of getting officially published in a Health and Fitness magazine. Which this month I managed to do - much to my almost throwing up levels of excitement. Australian Women’s Health and Fitness decided my brain thoughts were worthy of their pages, DREAM! So now for a few more dreams this year,




I urge thee to do the same even if you don’t marry Bradley from SClub7 having what you really want written down on paper can seriously enhance your chances. It makes it one step closer to being tangible. 

I heard an awesome story about Jim Carrey the other day through a friend of ours Pete Lynagh

“as described on  Oprah Winfrey in the clip here, he believed so strongly that he would become a major movie star, he wrote himself a check for $10,000,000 and kept it in his wallet until he actually received a legitimate $10,000,000 check for Dumb And Dumber.” 

What do you want? 

Jen xo








When did you first do it?

MEN BEWARE this blog contains information that may change your perception of women in general, if not it will most certainly change your opinion of me! 

This is an intimate one but I just need to let it out. You’ll see the great irony behind that statement in a moment.

I am a female (I have all the working parts to prove it, size is irrelevant).
I am in a relationship (2 years 9 months and growing). 
I farted loudly in front of my boyfriend… and he heard it. 

woooow i’m even red and palpitating writing this. Why is it so embarrassing for me to trump in front of my partner. I know people who have been in relationships and they hold each other down and fart on their boyfriends face, some take the cupcake approach other go for the classic dutch oven. Needless to say none of them are remotely reddened by the fact that their butts have been both musical and whiffy at the same time. In fact if anything they are proud! 

just like this beautiful young lady i have found for you to watch

So who is right? Is there a time when it becomes acceptable? Once you pop a ring on it is there some kind of unwritten marital clause that permits it. Do you take this women in gaseous and non gaseous states? Do you choose to love them even when they release a silent but deadly one? 

Rumour has it the average woman waits 4 months before dropping a butt bomb and then....



GASSY EXPLOSION
EXPECTED RESPONSE




For Tony and I there seems to be very little we won’t do in front of each  other. Due to the weird way we got together (bodybuilding competition) he even saw me in my undies before we had smooched; SLUTTY eh!

Now, I will happily squeeze every pore on my face while he has a ‘brad pitt’ - his words not mine- i’ll shave, tweeze and clip as he showers. If there are bats in his nose cave and food in his teeth i'll be the first to point -or pick- it out. 

There seems to be only one barrier between complete transparency and translucency in our relationship and if a parp is that, well we could be doing a lot worse I guess. We just need to investing a heavily scented room deodoriser, a series of scented candles and cough should we feel a loud one brewing. Either that or get a dog we can blame. 

Oh and I should mention that I may have snared the only male in the existence of time and space that doesn't not fart in my presence. 

It is at this time I feel it appropriate to share some fart facts with you, we're at that stage of our relationship right? 

1. The average human creates 1/2 a litre of fart a day
2. The nippiest fart registered travelled at 3 metres/second
3. Most farts take place at night while sleeping (saying as we're in the practise of sharing I may have woken myself up with one before)
4. A jellyfish cannot fart 


Never thought i would write this, 



thanks, 



Jen xo





Pizza, Will Smith and Chanel... Swear there's a link

Will Smith busted his chops to try and find it; well Chris Gardner did anyway. I had a slightly prolonged walked yesterday on my way to an audition. 40 minutes of wandering and pondering…dangerous. 

caught myself creepily smiling to smiling when a woman passed me with a pram and a teeny tiny baby, this inward grin seemed to happen a lot over the next hour and got me thinking. 

In an entirely non overly philosophical way;  how you interpret a scenario is entirely down to you. Having a shitty day, then your brain automatically tries to process situations negatively. 


That cute baby could have been a emotional volcano ready to explode with a lava flow of screeching. My smile (all be it slightly weird) may have kept the volcano capped. 


So enough talking to myself,
I decided to embark on a real life conversation with a gym colleague. He shared this 'like day' concept he does every now and again. For every negative thing that pops in replace it with a positive. The clothes shop you just walked into doesn't smell funny, it's playing an awesome song. You'll be surprised how simple it is #swear











Welcome to my like day…

Things that made me that made me happy

a) returning the circulation to my boobs after taking off my bra
b) bursting into a sporadic skip mid walk home
c) seeing rude graffiti (saw the word minge old skool)
d) singing out loud …may have been captured doing this by rather entertained neighbours
e) scoring a bargain at our local coffee shop …i’m a cheapo
f) saw an old couples clearly in love (not humping or serious smooching just handholding)
g) staring at a S.A.D lamp (jokes, but i do want to get one of these eventually) look how happy this chick above is
h) smelling my own perfume ..that’s not weird? Is it? Chanel Chance you make my face smile mmmmmmm 





That’s all for now folks, don't forget to share your happinesses on @dearestdiaryuk 

Happy Thursdaying

Jenso :)

1st Feb 

Don’t worry I haven’t gone mental. I know it’s not really lent yet but here in Melbourne we are celebrating a 28 day period of abstinence. This self torture is known as ‘Feb Fast’. The Aussies are no mugs, i’m sure it isn’t an accident that the month dedicated to ‘giving up’ is the shortest one of the year! 

Here people give up booze, sweets, dessert, technology and -brace yourself- even coffee!!

Any one that knows me will me aware that i have followed a distinct pattern of a weird level of discipline. It’s something I have always had, after positioning myself comfortably in a leather sofa, putting on a set of glasses, popping a pen in my mouth I have performed a psycho analysis on just where this first came from; 

As an oddly stubborn 8 year old i distinctly remember going off sweets for lent. Mostly just to prove a point…that I could! Every year since I have kept the tradition rolling, with of course the mandatory pancake feast to celebrate the start of the 40 days of deprivation! Feast before the fast and all that. 

As 2014 is my year for change instead of giving up something for Feb Fast I have decided to do something for Feb.  Having delved into the whirlpool of ideas that are ‘TED Talks’ I unearthed this footage of 'Matt Cutts' a employee Google (this makes him a Googlist i think)

In the way that things normally spiral with the time sponge that is the internet I watched the clip then i went on to Matt’s Website, had a look at his blog, 4 hours later i came back up for air with my solution of what to do this month. 

THE INTERNET ATE MY TIME! FOR REALS...



Matt the genius that he is decided to do something every day for a month, each month a different project and so he continued and thus a catalogue of stuff doing emerged. 

This blog is ripe for the picking and bursting with ways to make you appreciate every day to stop and smell the roses (not the chocolate kind, ahhhh Cadbury’s I miss you old chum). The mindset behind this is that the days no longer blur into one, each second is enjoyed  and days seized. For the month of Feb I will be taking a second of carefully chosen video footage. Just one, a brief lapse of time enough to transport me back to that moment. At the end of the month I will put them all together in a short clip. You know how you look back at that photo of you wearing an old adidas jumper and it brings you back

imagine how evocative this will be!! So excited. Can you tell. Dearest diary goes on video bitesized. 

Peace out mi amigos, have fun becoming the next selfie speilberg.

Jenso xx

p.s if you're going to share keep it clean ;)

29/01/14

Grab your lady balls it's time to get seriously sweaty 



Manly gym blog alert!! 

Don’t worry though i have dug deep into the womanly  section of gym wardrobe and selected my pink and navy Nike Flyknits and appropriate female gym etiquette 






Hopefully these up the oestrogen level of this post (even though my boyfriend gets trainer envy when I wear them - he’s beautifully eccentric i’m okay with it). 

After testing out my skills on the rower and the chin up bar I found the best programme in the world to follow. This 16 week workout will turn me into a lean mean six pack machine …hopefully! 

If you are going to give it a bash make sure you work within your weight range you are doing all of these with correct form. If you are unsure of an exercise ask the only person that  knows everything; google. 

WEEK 1

Mon:

Box Squat 5x4 @ 47kg
Deadlift 8x2@ 50% max plus 1 @max
Walking Dumbbell Lunge 4x8 each side @10kg dumbbells
Reverse Crunch 3x12
Plank 3x30secs 

Tues: rest :) or cardio

Wed:

Bench Press  5x4 @27kg
Incline DB Press 3x10 @8kg
Seated Cable Row Overhand Grip 4x10 @50kg 
Y-raise 3x12 @1kg each side
External rotation 3x12 @1kg each side 
Side plank 3x30 each side

Thurs: rest :)  or cardio

Fri: 

Box Squat 4x6@ 37kg
Rackpull 4x6@ 37kg
DB Split Squat 3x6 each side @10kg dumbbells
Cable Pull Through  3x10 @10kg 
Reverse Crunch 3x12



Sat:

Single Arm DB Shoulder Press 4x6 each side @ 6kg
Close Grip Chin Up 4x3
Push Up 3x10
Single Arm DB Row 3x8 each side @10kg
Kneeling Cable External Rotation 3x12 @10kg
Side Plank 3x30secs each side

Sun: Chill the feck out and admire your six pack formation 


I'm half way through this weeks body beasting and loving every moment of it. 

Each day I have managed to marry together the holy workout trinity in my eyes. 

1. Pre workout coffee 15-20 minutes before hitting the gym
2. CityBeat listen live radio blasting in my ear holes while I lift
3. Wonderfully satisfying post session meal complete with my best friend, carbs and my second best friend protein

Manly gym blog over and out! 

JC grrrrrrrrrrrrrr




24/01/2014

Ever google yourself? What about your date? Most people are guilty of this…




However what about googling your blog? Keen to see what ‘Fingers’ AKA ZJW has recent posted on this blog beast we chucked ‘dearest diary’ into the google search engine.  Our naivety was shot to shit, the heavenly white conscience that resides inside our heads was soiled with this!!

Shock horror visual violation.  We have saved the vulgarities, sheltered your eyes from the gory details but this had to be shared. We have not yet brought out a dearest diary DVD…perhaps at a later date ;) though it is a little more likely to be of this variety 





rather than the kind that you have to stretch to the top shelf to get. 


Peace and love 


22/01/2014 

*NEWS ALERT * Going to the gym every day doesn't guarantee you can run the length of yourself ...


Maybe getting a Garmin is the answer ...



I've been working out pretty much every day the last three years. You would think this makes me super fit, do not let the stats fool you! Approx 1095 days of exercise does NOT a superhuman make. 

I realised this when earlier this week I ran from my house to the gym (approx 6 1/2 minutes slog) and I felt like like my lungs were likely to either explode or collapse, actually both if that's possible.  This near death jog left me questioning, how fit am I?! 

And so out came the A-Level P.E textbooks. Luckily I had saved just enough air in my feeble lungs to blow the thick layer of dust off the ‘fitness tests’ section. Time to go old school. So like any good friend would I roped my gym pal Emma.  This helped to provide the competitive edge as we went head to head in the gruelling sit and reach test. Life doesn’t get much more heated than two bitches stretching their hamstrings to the absolute limit! 

In case you feel the urge to find out what level your bod is at, these are the ‘Portadown College’ Physical Education Fitness Testing Guidelines … don’t forget to write the results down so you can gloat in 4 weeks time to your former unfit self. 

-500m row 
complete the distance as quickly as possible with correct form
-1Max Rep chest press 
perform a warm up or 5-10 at a light weight. Rest 2 mins. Perform a second heavier set of 2-5 reps. Rest 2 mins. Perform a third set at the same weight as the second 2-5 reps. Rest 4 mins. Hammer out the heaviest weight you can for 1 rep. Make sure your gym bud can spot you. I lifted 43 kilos as a rough gauge. 
-Pull ups  (wide grip)
Complete as many full pull ups as possible, definitely made easier by my 
-Timed wall squat and hold
Assume the thigh busting 90 degree angle against a wall and hold as long as possible
-Push ups
Complete as many full push ups as possible
-Standing Broad jump (3 attempts)
Mark your starting point, stand with both toes to this line and leap forward as far as humanly possible landing with two feet together and soft knees
-Tricep dips
Find a bench that you can complete these off and do as many as possible
-Timed plank hold 
This is the one you always get shouted at for poking your arse up too high on. You want to form a straight line from head to heels. No Mount Etna Arses. Then hold for as long as you can. 
-Sit & reach flexibility test 
If your gym doesn’t have one of these beautifully retro devices then simply sit in a straddle position feet exactly one metre apart and reach forward as far as possible keeping your knees straight.  Then mark where you reach to and measure it. Also take three attempts at this wee baby. It takes a while to warm up. 

As it turns out rather unsurprisingly I’m not likely to be the next Steve Redgrave, (missing vital tackle and even more vital skill) however the inner triple jumper in me can still leap reasonably far…i’m sure I will find a use for this talent at some stage in my existence. Also rather startlingly my push ups max is not 10 as I once thought but 30! Seems the 1000 days of weights has slightly paid off. How and indeed ever this collection of results has given me one thing. Drive. Okay maybe three things, drive, focus and determination. 

I am going to set myself an actual programme with actual direction to (hopefully) actually improve these results. I’ll put it up on this once a week. You are most welcome to follow it too. 


ooh and p.s this was my reward for working so hard




an apple crumble protein smooooooothie…woof #postworkoutismyfavouritetimeoftheday 





16/01/13

Who needs alcohol!!

Don’t choke on your glass of wine when reading this. I swear this whole no alcohol thing is actually really quite enjoyable. Bear with me, I know this shakes our culture to the very core. I will explain the inner workings of my head and the merits of losing the once lusted after triple vodka and ginger ale.

Firstly you need to know these things about me; 

This is a usual 'had a few drinks' face of mine



*I’ve been there standing knee deep in a queue of pre fuelled booze hounds attempting to get served because I STILL FEEL SOBER even after the bottle of wine, three shots and and a single vodka. 






*I’ve woken up to find that I spent the night bumping
I will use the excuse of my leaving party

 and grindin’ with the Lord Mayor of Belfast!





The way wine should be drunk?



*I’ve rolled over in to find I spent the night with a bowl of muesli and milk (i'm a cereal slut). Then gazed to floor and seen a trail of wrappers, cutlery and crumbs. 









and guess what I had fun doing it all. How and indeed ever, it is time. I needed to know I could say no. It’s only a year, Laurina managed not to buy clothes for the same length of time and if you ask me…that’s way tougher! 

What I have enjoyed thus far in my 18 days of abstinence;


*meeting an old pal for a sober catch up, chilling by the pool at her hotel and having proper long (probably overly loud) conversations. I now know stuff about her life over the last few years and due to the lack of vino I remember it all. Jackpot. Also it was rather a lot less expensive. Winning!




*A  very special coffee cocktail in a champagne glass! 
Double espresso, honey and mint over ice. Miawwww. This little vessel of joy made my mouth dance and my taste buds sing. Sometimes actually just having something that tastes spectacular and comes disguised as alcohol is enough to help create that feeling.






*The thought of planning my birthday (it isn’t until the end of March but i’m one of those people that gets excited for a few months first). I am determined to channel my inner 14 year old and make it the most fun, entertaining bash ever that doesn’t have a tipple. 
I’m thinking sumo wrestler suits, piñatas, trampolines or something guaranteed to make even this one smile…


That’s all for now folks :)

Peace and love
Jenso

(along with really liking to use …. I am also over fond of !!!)




14/01/13

‘Thoughts tumbled around my head like trainers in a washing machine’
The Great Alan Partridge

Hopefully by now you’ll be acquainted with Dearest Diary. It’s a pleasure to meet you. 1st blog post is an odd one, just like first anything Tweet, drink, pube there’s a million and one thoughts running through your head.  Welcome to the inner workings of mine. 
As most of y’all will have already been tuned into LMK Today (the Short Strand version of Lorraine Kelly’s hit T.V show) you know that I am a journalist/infrequent model living and working down under. Before making my way here I wrote stories for the Sunday World and got to do amazing things like this...it was work I swear.




I was also lucky -despite my somewhat less than giraffe like stature- to manage to get to do a little bit of this as well. Score for all the vertically challengeders out there!









So as you can see…life was pretty sweet. The perfect time to decide to pack it into a case and move to Oz. Not! 

Leaving my life that i had carefully crafted for all these years was not an easy choice. In fact it’s the biggest, most unbelievably frightening thing I have ever done. Even when I was zipping my case up (not an easy task with a years worth of clothing) it was through watery eyes!

This wasn’t a two week holiday to Majorca I was moving to the other side of the world where the thongs are not what you think they are and you can’t open the door incase you let the heat in. It wasn’t all roses believe me i’ve steadily collected fines for just about everything since arrival and was so I found myself auditioning for the chance to dress up as a giant octopus. However sadly I didn’t get the job.

Moving to another country is like taking an industrial sander to your persona and shaving it back to nothing. Here I was just another Irish chick, no reputation, no contacts, nothing. 

You know what though it’s the best thing I ever did. Now I’m working as a journalist and back modelling (still somehow managed to fool people into thinking i am tall enough)! What i’ve learnt is if it scares the crap out of you, do it! 

‘Feel the fear and do it anyway’


Grab life my the big hairy life balls. Over the next three weeks the DD team Zoe, Laurina and I will do three things that scare us. WE challenge you to do the same. 

Let us know what you're doing on Twitter @dearestdiaryuk #scareyourselfdduk



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